Adventure, Employment, Today was Awesome, Unemployment

Fully Functioning: Day 1


Today felt like the first day of school. I spent a “wild” weekend with my parents and sisters and their kids, getting tan, swimming at the beach, and drinking my face off at the Polish Town Fair in Riverhead (serious shout out to Long Island). Then I recovered, came back to reality, got a hair cut and had all the unwanted hair removed from my face (mustache included), went grocery shopping, did laundry, and prepared lunches for Captain Clam and myself. I even laid my clothes out for the day (undies and all).

Trying to sleep all night was like being a kid waiting to go to Great Adventure the next day…. you can’t fall asleep and have a really hard time waking up (certainly not at 6am (boo hoo whaa whaa)). Of course, I made the mistake of watching a delicious show called Sons of Anarchy right before bed, so my mind was racing with thoughts of Jax Teller and the adventure that awaited me today in the wonderful world of gainful employment. I was also writing this post in my mind (it was much better in my head at 3am. Sorry, friends).

So, on 3 hours of sleep, I kissed my gorgeous Captain goodbye at Atlantic Terminal and ventured to Union Square to start the next chapter in the saga of my life. This is turning out to be quite an interesting book. How wonderful it is to work in a factory again. Of course I work in the office, but to be a part of a factory and to have sagging, creaking wooden floors under my feet and sewing machines running and human machines doing…. it’s a great feeling. It’s also a great feeling not to dread going to work everyday because the people you work with are selfish, snobby, rude pricks. Of course it’s only my first day and I may feel different once I get the hang of everything and all of the personalities I have to interact with. But today was a great day, not like previous first days that I have had where it was gloomy and awful for the first week and beyond.

Having gone through a shit fuck of a job with a beyond horrible boss and mediocre co-workers (with a few exceptions, of course), and then battling unemployment and the depression that accompanies it, I am so happy to be where I am – and in a factory no less. Funny how a fully functioning upholstery/seating/drapery factory can withstand the economy on 18th Street in Manhattan, but a poorly run factory in LIC, Queens (lame) can’t handle the pressure (or is run by some maniacal illusionist who has no idea how to run a business or read spreadsheets or emails with financial information in them or just plain read emails in general) and is “forced”  to outsource it’s overly priced seating items to China. Burn.

Rant ranted.

And Funny… Captain Clam is now working in a factory, too (oh, as Design Director!(what?!)). We are gonna have the best nerd talk ever during the next few years. Yay! When we went shopping on Monday, Le Clam purchased new slacks, shirts, and shoes. Today he was such a handsome piece of ass. Of course he told me that dress shoes aren’t for him and he felt like he was wearing ski’s all day, but I did have a hard time letting him get off the train without making out for at least one million minutes.

Now we are about to feast on salad and make tomorrow’s lunches. Oh how I heart sandwiches! I can’t wait to fall asleep and wake up to an amazing new place to work and a new dynamic group of people to get to know. Thank you friends and readers for being so awesome. And you’re welcome for me being just as awesome as you.

I love you.

Adventure, Bucket List, Employment, Photo Blog, Today was Awesome, Unemployment

Today was Awesome

Just a quick little recap of this amazing day I am having.

I got up, starving. I rummaged through the fridge only to get stuck eating toast…. again. I did all my crappy chores, like check facebook one million times and wash my toast plate and clean the litter box (ew). I showered and got dressed and went out to take about 100 photos, then came home to edit them and start the blog that I have been trying to get going for ages… As I fill out the ABOUT page (which you can find HERE) I received a call from the people I have been sending snail mail thank you’s to and got a job offer that is actually relevant to all of my work experience. Then I cried (but just a little).

I like to think you started reading this post and were like “Oh here she goes again wha wha wha.” Well, Ha! Sometimes I am not sarcastic (but I usually am, so I forgive you).

So, now I am gainfully employed and an official Photo Blogger with all kinds of motivation pouring out of my gills. Plus I am seeing my amazing family this weekend and may even stick my toes into the ocean for the first time in about 4 years. AND it’s Polish Town Fair Weekend (google it if you have no idea what that is)! Plus, Captain Clam is on his way home from his gainful employment and I am going to make him make me dinner.

The only down side is now that I have the passion for my new project, I will have little time to pursue it. OF COURSE that would happen! Even when I win, I lose! I guess a blog ain’t gonna pay my bills, so functioning humans of society, I will be joining you on Tuesday.

Thank you, my dear readers, for your support and your ability to read. I hope that this is the light at the end of the tunnel and it only gets brighter until I’m dead. I love you all.

Oh, and check out my new Photo Blog Portraits of Brooklyn.


Today I “shot” Sunglasses

Adventure, Employment, Food, Unemployment

Captain Clam Goes to Work

Captain Clam Joins the Clam Race!

Captain Clam Joins the Great Clam Race!

YAY! One of us is gainfully employed! Of course the cats are just lazy little heffers and don’t really budge from their queen size throne all day, so we count very little on them for financial support (although the bugs are kept at bay (Squirrel likes to eat them as an afternoon snack)).

Squirrel: Captain of Bug Patrol Services.

Squirrel: Captain of Bug Patrol Services.

So, Captain Clam, after a long job search has finally found work worthy of his immense talents. He had been working freelance for a few years as an industrial designer (mostly furniture and all that sort of interesting stuff that design nerds feast on), but the market has proven to be too awkward and fluxuated for guaranteed survival. It’s either a million dollars a week or $150 a month.

Once he began his search, Clam realized just how hard it is to find a job, especially in the summer when everyone is hiring interns. Or they are hiring overly qualified, desperate people for mid level jobs. It’s a sad sob story (See Adventures In Unemployment).

Anyway, The Clam has been heading off to work at an ungoldy hour since Tuesday. The job is growing on him. The commute, however, is not – an hour and a half each way. uggh! He is commuting to the Bronx from Brooklyn, which wouldn’t be too bad, but we live kinda deep in the Brooklyn, and his job is really deep in the Bronx. We are now looking for apartments closer to his job (Hopefully my old stomping ground of Mott Haven.


Shameless Plug for my pal, Jamie Jones and New York Graphics Studio. BUY THIS SHIRT HERE:

I feel bad about his commute time and keep telling him about this awesome book that I have read and love… it’s a Roald Dahl Short Stories book (for grown ups like me (it’s so awesome!)) Check it out at Best Of Roald Dahl. He told me if I don’t shut up about it, he’s gonna hide the book and no one will ever read it again! So I gave him a different book this morning. I will, however, revisit the Roald Dahl discussion in a few weeks (I can be very persuasive).

I have been getting up with him at 6:20 every morning, packing his lunch and even leaving little love notes in the “bag of yum.” Today’s note was from one of our cat’s Wee (he insisted on writing Captain Clam a letter in regards to the greasiness of his lunch). The Cap‘n used to do the same for me when I was employed, but too poor and fat for take-out everyday.

He Loves Me!

He Loves Me!

Of course, I take a 14 hour nap after he leaves for the trenches and then get up and am completely besides myself because I have no idea what the day (or afternoon) has in store for me.

So I clean (kinda). And I cook. And then I clean from cooking and then cook some more (I love to cook!). I prepare a few blog ideas, work on a few projects, eat, check facebook and blog stats every 10-15 seconds (I have twitter, but find it kinda boring. Follow me anyway! @yourmommasmomma), and maybe sweep a little and pet the kitties. I go on a beer run around 4, since I feel like there is a happy hour somewhere. When Captain C. calls me around 5, I slap my apron back on, start the oven and begin cooking all the food I prepared for first half of the afternoon.

Yesterday I made the mistake of going grocery shopping alone. I thought I could do it all in one trip. Normally The Clam comes with me and carries all the heavy stuff. I thought, “Well, I’m a tough bitch, I can do this!” Ha! Tough Bitch my Ass! All of my canvas shopping bags were full and I had about 6 plastic bags (that’s what you get when you go to the store hungry). I went to four different stores and was stupid enough to buy 10 pounds of kitty litter. Although I was only three blocks from my apartment, I had to stop four times to rest. No one helped me, although my rear end received numerous shout outs along the way.

Today, my arms hurt.

And now I give you BAG LADY by ERYKAH BADU (she is the shiz on a shiz sandwich)

Tonight we are eating spaghetti in a garlic/olive oil sauce with shrimp, brocolli and fresh tomatoes. His new co-workers are gonna be so jealous tomorrow. I hope he brags about his little home-maker (AKA unemployed) girlfriend and her phenomenal cooking abilities (he better!). I should stop (but should I?). He once called me a “short order chef.” And that, my friends, is a cold hearted Captain Clam Compliment! Of course, I am the queen of making something out of nothing, and making it DAMN GOOD! I also make things sometimes that are just plain gross and inedible. We try to eat them and then just laugh and throw the meal out and order a pizza. The true test is to see if MR T. (one of our other cats) will eat it (She will seriously eat anything).

Mr T laughing at my attempt at cooking. You think this is a joke? jerk!

Mr T laughing at my attempt at cooking. You think this is a joke? Jerk!

I hate to admit it, but I am growing less bored each day with Captain Clam out of the house. It’s nice to miss him! After spending 3 months virtually glued together, we actually have stuff to talk about that isn’t cat related or laundry-argument focused. Of course now I have to do laundry! He told me to wait for him to do laundry, but I know he didn’t mean it!

Oh, Captain Clam, I love you!

I made him wear this tie on his first day (no I didn't).

I made him wear this tie on his first day (no I didn’t).


This post was approved by Captain Clam.

Adventure, Unemployment

Adventures in Unemployment

I lost my job about 3 months ago. I know I have brought it up a few times in my posts, and I am dealing with a strange sense of “employment withdrawl.” I still have horrible nightmares about “that place.”



I hated my job. I was always hoping to get laid off, but had no idea that the unemployment system would suck so much. I also had no idea that I’d actually ever be laid off. Still, I think I’d rather suffer on unemployment’s $405 a week than work for a sociopathic asshole, who, after three years, never bothered to even learn how to pronounce my last name correctly.

images-12No matter what though, unemployment sucks, even if it sucks less than a shitty job. The process of unemployment is confusing, as I am sure it is set up to be. After signing up online and claiming my benefits, I had no idea if I had even signed up correctly. I did not receive any sort of confirmation email and had no idea how to check the website to see if I was indeed going to receive the benefits. Finally, after 2 weeks of stress and poverty, I received my first payment, yay!



Unemployment is sobering, and not in the sense that I now have limited funds to feed my beer belly. It’s depressing and awful and just makes you feel like a huge piece of shit. I literally have to force myself out of bed each day, force myself to take a shower and force myself to eat something (Ok, that last one is a straight up lie, but made the flow of my statement/plight extremely desperate).

Why do I even exist? A job does not define me, but it gives me the funds that can ease my endless boredom. Finding a job, especially nowadays, is just awful. I’m not a stupid woman. I have several degrees from leading institutions of higher learning and am quite the talent on the harmonica and kazoo (and am all around pretty awesome, just ask my mom). Too bad those instruments suck and are not special at all and are not even worthy enough to put on my resume under “interests.”



So, I was lucky enough to get a one day freelance project with a lovely woman who I do various layout projects for. Of course I was an Honest Betsy and claimed it on my weekly unemployment “check-in” questionnaire. These jerks took out $100 from my benefits that week and then froze my future benefits and needed me to fill out a billion years of confusing paperwork wanting to know why I was only ready, willing, and able to work for 4 days, instead of 5. A big fucking headache… that is what being honest gets you. I think of all the people who are working off the books, collecting unemployment, and beating the system… I totally understand why.



In the past three months I have applied for 54 jobs and have had five interviews; four of which were in person and one that was over the telephone. Half of the interviews ended well with a “we will definitely be in touch,” leading me to believe my sorrows would end soon, and yet they were just amplified with false hope. Nobody gets back to you. They don’t actually give a fuck. They have a job, so why should they care or bother to sympathize with your plight? I have been applying for bullshit jobs that I can do, but don’t actually want to do. I can’t even get one of those. And even if I did, then I’m back where I started: HELL!


I want to remove the hair on my head in large clumps! GHHAAAAHH!!!!



Now, to add to the drama (because I just love drama so much)… A very good friend of mine, I’ll call him Uncle Paulo, saw that I needed a break from the prison that is my studio apartment and purchased a ticket for me to visit my bestie in LA. What’s that, unemployment? Not gonna let me leave the state without having an interview set up in LA? I didn’t want to commit any sort of insurance fraud, so I had to cancel my the trip, and oh, guess what? Unemployment needed me to prove it. That’s fine, except they won’t let you email the proof… you have to FAX it! Who the fuck has a fax machine? Like, oh yeah, let me just blow the dust off my fax machine and shoot this right over to you. I’ll be sure to use the broken telephone outlet in my Pre-War apartment after I google “fax machine” and do a little research. You are kidding me, right? Then no one calls to confirm that the fax was actually received (as requested on my cover page (thank you, research)). What a messed up system. You’d think people would have email addresses, but NOOOOO… it’s gotta be as complicated as possible. I am truly a prisoner in my own home. Thank you unemployment, I love you.



This is clearly an angry rant about a number of things I am pissed off about. The first thing being my old, shitty boss and getting laid off in the first place and then being replaced by 3 slave labor interns. What a cheap prick (I am obviously still angry and think he should rot in a ditch somewhere where his morals and “his “word” have long been resting. You’re a Jerk).


Number two is the unemployment system in general, which was created to confuse and depress people who are actually ready, willing, and able to work (damn, we just need a break and are actually scared to be honest. Who are you, my Dad? (sorry Dad, just a figure of speech (my Dad is awesome, by the way))).


Number three is my deep hatred of fax machines. I mean come on already. This is not 1988, it’s 2013. I could literally think about something and the information is transmitted instantly via telepathy and government probing and thought police activity. Get with the program. You could actually be more helpful to the people you are “helping” if you would just register with gmail and get a fucking email account for all of your employees. Does that make sense? Oh no? Neither does your website.



I’m also pretty pissed about American Airlines in general and prospective employers and the shit they say and ultimately do not actually do. Seriously, if you say you will call me, call me, even if it’s not good news. You can even send an email. It’s easier! Or maybe you could even fax me the bad news. I had to recently purchase a fax machine, so it’s really convenient for me to communicate that way. Whatever way you want to send me the info, just do it. Don’t let me sit here avoiding interviews or applications because I am waiting for you and you have just simply stood me up! Are we in High School or something? Also, don’t tell me that “the job is yours if you want it” and I say yes and then you never call me again. Not cool.



And Dear America, make jobs appear. Stop giving them to machines and other countries. Shop locally. Support Americans and America. Duh. I certainly do not want to have to rely on this government to give me financial support and I am sure you are not looking for a handout, either. But when the time comes, you might need it and be secretly grateful for it, like I am (thank you unemployment for thinking of me during these hard times). I am proud, yes, but I am not scared to share my story and I hope that this is the hardest time of my life, because it certainly can’t get any worse than this. But whenever I say that it does get worse. Fuck.